I felt i needed God.. so i went to worship and read the Bible...


Wrestling with God

22 And he arose that night and took his two wives, his two female servants, and his eleven sons, and crossed over the ford of Jabbok. 23 He took them, sent them over the brook, and sent over what he had. 24 Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. 25 Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob’s hip was out of joint as He wrestled with him. 26 And He said, “Let Me go, for the day breaks.”
But he said, “I will not let You go unless You bless me!”
27 So He said to him, “What is your name?”
He said, “Jacob.”
28 And He said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel;[b] for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed.”
29 Then Jacob asked, saying, “Tell me Your name, I pray.”
And He said, “Why is it that you ask about My name?” And He blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel:[c] “For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.” 31 Just as he crossed over Penuel[d] the sun rose on him, and he limped on his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the children of Israel do not eat the muscle that shrank, which is on the hip socket, because He touched the socket of Jacob’s hip in the muscle that shrank.

check this out !

I respect Jacob man ! He's the man !!! What happen was , his brother Esau was coming after him with 400 men .. It's expected of Esau to be angry with him because of some stuff that happen at home and Jacob got blessed by Isaac instead of Esau when Esau was meant to be the one be blessed..


Actually thinking about it , after Jacob is blessed , he wasn't really blessed cause he got cheated by his father in law to work for 14 years if i'm not wrong , cause the father in law gave him the wrong wife.. but he got to make love with with 3 ppl if i'm not wrong .. 2 wives and 1 servant... and he had alot alot and alot of children... literally you can form a soccer team out of it...

So yap , he was amazing cause , he was told that he will be blessed , but it dont seems like he was.. he got cheated by some father in law that refuse to let him off ... and chased after him to the mountain when Jacob tried to escape when the Lord asked Jacob to.. Finally he could chase off the old folk , then Esau was on his way to find Jacob with 400 men... can you believe it ???

So of couse Jacob was sad, he saw angles at this place and he called it " God's camp" ... powerful huh ! God's camp .. then.. he sent all his wives away and children also , and stayed there alone...

God came , and dislocated the joint at his hip ! Can you believe it .. Then God spoke" let Me go , for the day breaks " Then Jacob replied " i will not let you go unless you bless me" He was this determine !!! I will not let You go...

It's powerful man, God just dislocated his hip joint. He wrestled with God.. Picture with me , Jacob grab onto God's hands and say i wil not let You go... never will I !!! i will not !!!. It's like , I will not let you leave me , i will follow after you ! unless you bless me...

It's not until ! it's unless.. i guess it's quite clear... until is that he only wants God's blessing.. Unless is God will have Jacob sticking to Him unless He bless Jacob , if God really really wanna abandon Jacob then it's after God bless Him.. But i believe Jacob will still cling onto God after He bless Him...

Look at God's reply

"Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel;[b] for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed"

For you have struggled with God and and with men and you have prevailed..

Struggled with God

It's like Jacob had go through trails with God that God purposely make it hard for Jacob to believe Him.
He was suppose to be blessed by Isaac and get a good wive from Laban.. But Laban cheated him and gave him another wive ( hahaha can you believe it ) then , he worked and worked for the wive he love .. then the wive he really love was barren.. then he got chase after by Laban accusing him of stealign everything and especially his idols.. when it's the wive he love the most ( rachael ) who brought it along without saying.... finally he settled the matter with Laban then Esau came , more likely to kill him and hsi family then to bless them... he had so many ppl wiht them , all young kids , servant , children, sheeps.... yea.. and couldn't go much..

and yet , God said " and have prevailed "
He believed... despite all these he believed...

Struggle with men..

Jacob was a great gentlemen , look at the way he speaks in the bible.. i was amaze.. I would have burnt Laban's house down for giving me the wrong wive.. and having 2 wives that keep snatching me... and my loved 1 is barren somemore.. i would have killed laban when he came up to the mountain to look for me.. rude and demanding... but look at home Jacob replied.. he was simply amazing.. gentlemen... he was nearly blameless and carried himself this well.. that you just wonder where all the tolerance and wisdom comes from...


Yea... I was so inspired.. Looking at him.. my life aint this deprive...


I told God.. :" i will not let You go unless you bless me " yea..
And He gave me a few number , 32 .. and i went huh ?! ok , so i'm gonna pray again...

He's amazing...

I'm so far from Jacob and i wanna to be like him...

He's jsut amazing...

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I'm exhausted literally collapsing 2 mins later.. but then i'm loving my life... I feel so fufilled for today , like it ended with a bang in my heart...

I've officially got myself out of the trauma whereby i'm struggling with some thoughts that i cant get myself out of ....

I didnt really totally figure what i was thinking out though , but i think i will just leave it this way ... i'm loving my life now though .. sometimes i just need to know i can be who i wanna be ... what i enjoy to do...

Anyway , it's end of school term and our school has achieved golds for all 3 uniform group.. IIt's the first time NPCC got gold in our school's history, my pricipal was so proud of them cause they made a history for WRS... We're all celebrating , no maybe i should say they .. I guess at least for NPCC it's such an acheivement , it's an example , it's an breakthough to NPCC...cause it's our first... It's so funny , cause if i were to still stay fervently in the NPCC , i would have been with my squat mates celebrating it .. I was from the cadet who rose to sergent for today who got the glory for bringing NPCC to the peak of it ...

Thinking back , i was so fervent , i was so passionate for NPCC and if i were to stick to it , i would have made it .. but at the same time , i look at my own beliefts , and i know i gotta choose when i come to sec 3 .. No one knew about the ultimate reason of quitting it , people thought i was a slacker , and i just let them think whatever they want... I didnt even really talk to Lynette about it , i see there's no need doing it at that point of time to really show everyone who much i lay down for God .. I dont need to show people how much i do . I just need to shift everything away so that nothing pulls me away for the Lover of my life.. It's just this simple . I know it's between me and God ... and only both of us... we just no need to show every one and prove to everyone what we're doing to impress them... And there comes an opportunity where by i can use by low blood pressure to quit it ... So i did it ..

Looking at the achievement i could have got .. I know i could have made it to the chairperson or the vice chair of NPCC easily , since i started off real well , getting involve in so many things and still top my class like nobody business... ( Not anymore though ) It was easy for me at that time .. cause i mugged and threw eunice out of my house when she visited me and disturbed me when i was studying...

I was sitting on quadrangle , looking on my ex-squat mate who's delivering the speech , there's this nudge and tug in my heart.. I smiled to myself and i'm so glad i chose something greater than that .. I've never regretted quitting it even though my cca points suffered badly and people think of me differently after that... To them i'm so hypocrite , or some christian siao .. i stil remember the blue note book that my NCO made me write so that i can look back .. He wants to know us more so he made us write it .. It's like a diary ... we're this close..



So i told him i will not ever quit NPCC in my life cause it's what i've been looking for .. I love the sound of banging together , i love unity , i love bonding...

My love didnt change up till now , but maybe is the way i look for it is much more different i guess.. I dont know what is it to them.. But then to me i'm having the bang together and impacting people in the way that's greater than that , that's what i wanted at least...

I'm so proud that i've made a decision not to choose it though , i was proud of myself when i was sitting on the red concrete in the morning . I looked at myself when i was 14 or maybe 15 ... I made such a radical decision ... I never thought i was good until i ponder over it in class... I guess it's the challenge we face during every phrase of our life .. I guess it's really what we want .

In my life i asked myself several times " I really want that ?" But i asked myself differently when i face different stuff . when i was weary i asked myself do i really want that ? Maybe i dont , maybe i was deluded.. But during this time when i was sober but still troubled and tired , i asked myself again is it what i wanted ? Then i smiled and told God , it is , and i start putting things down for God...

Maybe it's never the question that devil pop into our minds ... But it's the answer we give ... Devil can never take away things from us and lead us astray only if we let him.. he only can sow thoughts , but ultimately it's us who has the last say....

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It's 2 minutes to 6 now and i've finished 4 parts of emath for a topic , and i've attempted all the questions for the revision 7 .. I'm super worry about my results now.. but i know , God will have a way ...


i feel like sleeping now... But i need to do my bio before my chong kills me ...

I wanted to study at the library but mum wants me to help out with her later in the day for my nwe room...

O i was super tired , then i went online and look at pic of sun rise .. i love it... I feel so energised .. Maybe sunrise energise me just like how water energises Dom , and maybe singing for Lynette , and sleeping for JIaxin... Sunrise energise me.. suddenly i feel like going over to some reservoir to watch sunrise.. maybe i'll go over on sat morning.. no no sunday morning.. it seems to be a better idea..

so yap sunday morning .. After that if there's discipleship class , i can go . But if there isn't i can study .. Yea . sunday s a good idea...

I feel like sleeping now!

Sunrise wooo.... Haha... yea , you'll never understand what i mean until you go and experience it yourself..

I've been blogging too often on livejournal .. and after the last post i privated , i feel alot more happier .... i typed this whole chunk of stuff to God... Yea ... haha... i feel the urge to ... ai ya , is ok

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I'm at home now , i was suppose to meet up with chelsea..

My sis is blasting Jay Chou's song .. Suddenly i feel so blessed and so loved by my parents for them to give me a room..

It;s literally me designing my own room...And i thank God for gettign a room only when i'm 16 .. I can't imagine designing my own room when i'm like 13 , it will turn out super kiddish and i'll regret.. But i'm 16 .. I guess what i want is kind of fix now...



I'm mulling over what colour i should paint for my wall .. I prefer a darker colour , a dull one .. You know zen.. but i'm afraid my room will look smaller .... And warmer . But i want it to be cozy ...So i'll get a birch or maybe a light orange.. My furniture is all walnut colour .. So ahhh.. haha But i like walnut man...



My parents literally let me do what ever i want with my room.. I get to choose what to do with the room.. My furniture, the colour ..



I guess i;'m getting those black photo frame and hang it on my wall .. So maybe i'll head down to IKEA one of the days next week . I'll be getting a lamp also , i want my room to look sentimental.. The whole commotion of having a room really stimulated me .. I'm kind of excited about it though ...


My sis's room is going through a refurnishing also .. My parents want to get a LCD screen in the living room ..

O gosh it's so cozy .. I'm getting a new mattress too.. Wooo ! I bet i can't sleep on the first night...

I still remember how subhash was over the room when we were in P4 .. She got herself a room , and she painted it green ! A bright green...
I still remember i use to hang out in her room , talking about crushes , reading teenage romance stories , complaining about some teachers , prank calling people ...Life then was so ... easy ... Well , i'm not blaming God about getting myself involve in church , in his word .. I guess it's just a process of growing up...

the reason why we struggle is because we have a choice to choose if we want idealism or we want success , reality .. . Pastors always challenge and encourages us to keep out idealism . But as for the people in the world , most of them aint present with such a choice , they dont knwo about idealism .. They are brought up in a way that idealism is a no-no , is insanity , is weird , unrealistic .. They are brought up in a way whereby choosing idealism over success is a dumb choice .. They feel that it's very dumb to throw money and future and more money and fame and lime light aside just to do what we want , just to impact people .... To them nothing can replace future...


I still remember 2 days ago Mr Roy wanted to crack a prank on Perinder. So he asked the whole class to lie to Perinder that she got 7 out of 18 for a SS test when she got 17/18 (highest in the level ) ... the first thing Felicia said that day ( Felicia is Perinder best friend together with Shabnam ) was Perinder will cry , Perinder just live in a life that failure is a no-no .. She can't take failure .Then Shabnam started explaining to Mr Roy that there was once Perinder was called out to answer a question .. It's trigo and she couldn't answer , then she started to cry cause she couldn't answer .. So Mrs Lim-Yap ( our Amath teacher ) said " You can't swim , i can't swim , we both can't swim " ok it's a little no link , we couldn't get what Mrs Lim-Yap trying to say too.. but it was super hilarious and the whole class bursted out in laughter...More of mockery i guess , mocking Mrs Lim-Yap's english .. But my laughter was genuine alright...

Yea but to perinder , idealism is never on her list of things she needs to consider .. to her future is future ..

yea , so we might envy people in the world who dont struggle what we're struggling , but why can't we just feel privillege over knowing another route , having a choice , in fact , bring brought up with a greater purpose .. I mean it's a good struggle right ? Living a life of truth and not just survival .. I mean idealism is the truth .. It's the right path , we all know that... But it's just a struggle right now.. But i ithink we should just be grateful with the choice places in front of us ..

People in the world arent fortunate , they are deprive , they dont even have a choice ....Agree ?

I love You , oh Lord .. You're so real to me ... What matters isn't what the world wants you to do , what matters is what you want yourself to do , what's most important is that what God wants you to do .

I use to struggling with what my dad wants me to do , but now , i guess i'm getting over it bit by bit .. Not totally , i'm still very uncertain about where will i be , what do i want .. But i'm getting over it , not really day by day , but maybe forenight by forenight ?

Lately , people are struggling , people are falling , but at the same time , people are standing up .. All i wanna say is that we're in this race together . It's like a marathon , you need to pull yourself up yourself but at the same time you need people to cheer you on , people who are running with you.. Unlike worldly marathon , you run alone , it's your marathon .. But it's a spiritual marathon , we run the same path together , all of us need to finish it , MUST finish it .. WE ARE IN IT TOGETHER . we're not spectators , neither are we water stop helper.. We are the same people who are running along side you , we're te same ppl who finish it with you .

I'm loving God more ...

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Actually you can skip all these posts , ahah cause i'm just blabbering my thoughts out and stuff , those lame useless ones ? I've been trying to hit the minimum of a humans' daily quota for speaking through blogging lately... Hasn't been talking much . I dont know why , just dont talk ...

Hahah ! I studied from 8.30pm-9.30pm ? from 10.15pm-12 45 am...1.30-3 in the afternoon... Then after that i finished a topic of homework on probability .. I feel , not really acomplished but i feel very tired ? ahaha yea but i'm contented with my performance in mugging.. quite consistent ..

I'm gonna study after school tmr , after i meet up with charmaine.. Need to settle some stuff... Before i flunk any other topics , o i got back my results .. I got 3rd for SS test , i got 15/18 .. Quite amazing.. I got 2nd or 3rd In Bio test and 3rd in chem test...I'm not very happy cause i dont know if it's consider an easy test or you know i really did well.. cause i'm not only competing wiht my classmates for O levels , i'm competing with the whole nation of 4Express and 5 Normal.. So how can we be contented with just doing well in the class... It's never enough...At least not for me...


O do you know i'm feeling chipper the whole day , cause i'm super happy with my wallpaper on my laptop...
It's a picture of a reservoir... So nice ! It makes my day man .. I just love water with sun rays... You'll never understand it..

Ahh it's 142am now and i need to sleep .. Gosh , i'm not longing forward to tomorrow's arrival , the lessons for the day is a hectic ! They might want to consider to diminish our class commitments and community involvement.. Ah....

Tmr there's chemistry - mrs Whelan will start yaking at me to be meticulous in my work and stuff .. She never stops .. Sometimes a venial mistake i make will just stuck in her mind forever ...OKay but it's kind of my fault here , cause i've never do a wonderful job in her assignments.. Mrs Whelan i'll change alright...

Then there's Amath : Trigonometry will just drain our energy and attention span off for the rest of the day in just 2 lessons of trigo ..

Math : Probability will be so boring that you;ll just doze off ..But the problem is you cant..

Then there's SS : Okay , Mr Roy's voice will wake up up , and his shower of blessing will definately force you to be on the alert mode...Plus his callous words used on us , it never fails to wake Lester up in fury...

Then there's I don't know i can;t recall. I dont bother too i guess...

By the end of the day , during English excel lesson you'll be so drain out and tired that you;ll just feel effete with the whole slow pace , i-love-english speed of teaching...

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Had a run today .. I guess it did go for at least 2.4 km... I was doing my stuff my literature denotations which i always enjoy doing ( seriously ) .. Haha

Yea the run was good ... I just wanna give myself a break to my brain and every other thing and didnt bring my phone along .. just an Mp3 and me and my sports wear... I ran and ran and ran ... It's alot more easier to run with my MP3 on , pondering over my own thoughts... Suddenly the ache and the breathing seems so incouspicous .. I went from Run from some band to some other band , to Iris- Better place , then i can't stand secular songs anymore.. So i switched to my worship playlist ... It's cool la .. I dont know if i did sort my thoughts out ..

But i definately feel better , adrenaline pumping into me... So i just run and run and run , running past the same spot over and over again at 9pm.. Maybe i should do it again tmr .. I love running , you're doing somethin while thinking.. i tend to think more positively when i run ahha.. I tend to calm myself down when i run... yea... I know i dont look like those who run .. but i do run when i am troubled .. haha

Brain is okay lately , still the same , struggling and stuff. But it's better , just dont feel like talking much today actually.. I dont know why , finally i feel normal...

Can't wait for Lynette to come back...

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I'm just back from school ... Listeing to remy zero... I love these songs. Just like south .. I hate metal but i like this kind haha.. Semi metal... Not noisy but you airy ...

Haha...


O i've loving school more and more... Seriously , chem is easier and stuff... Even though most of my study group dont really talk...Haha , but i feel something to study and mug ..

O i feel like going to minds cafe again ! F4 let's go together okay ?

So here i am , blogging , resting... ahah , awhile later i'm going to go jogging... I dont think i'll jog at the park , i wanna run somewhere further.. I think the reason why i hate jogging at the park is because it's just round and round , you dont progress.. But running along the side walk is different , you progress... You see how far you go :) hahha yea...

Kind of waiting for my mp3 to charge now hahah... Yea.... and i'll be running .. I miss running.. Sometimes you just need to dump stuff aside and run .. very far and very far ... overcoming your physical barrier... ahah.. i guess it must be the same spiritually ... look where you wanna go , what you wanna do for God and run .. run far far for God... beyond your physical barrier...

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I felt i needed God.. so i went to worship and read the Bible...


Wrestling with God

22 And he arose that night and took his two wives, his two female servants, and his eleven sons, and crossed over the ford of Jabbok. 23 He took them, sent them over the brook, and sent over what he had. 24 Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. 25 Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob’s hip was out of joint as He wrestled with him. 26 And He said, “Let Me go, for the day breaks.”
But he said, “I will not let You go unless You bless me!”
27 So He said to him, “What is your name?”
He said, “Jacob.”
28 And He said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel;[b] for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed.”
29 Then Jacob asked, saying, “Tell me Your name, I pray.”
And He said, “Why is it that you ask about My name?” And He blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel:[c] “For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.” 31 Just as he crossed over Penuel[d] the sun rose on him, and he limped on his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the children of Israel do not eat the muscle that shrank, which is on the hip socket, because He touched the socket of Jacob’s hip in the muscle that shrank.

check this out !

I respect Jacob man ! He's the man !!! What happen was , his brother Esau was coming after him with 400 men .. It's expected of Esau to be angry with him because of some stuff that happen at home and Jacob got blessed by Isaac instead of Esau when Esau was meant to be the one be blessed..


Actually thinking about it , after Jacob is blessed , he wasn't really blessed cause he got cheated by his father in law to work for 14 years if i'm not wrong , cause the father in law gave him the wrong wife.. but he got to make love with with 3 ppl if i'm not wrong .. 2 wives and 1 servant... and he had alot alot and alot of children... literally you can form a soccer team out of it...

So yap , he was amazing cause , he was told that he will be blessed , but it dont seems like he was.. he got cheated by some father in law that refuse to let him off ... and chased after him to the mountain when Jacob tried to escape when the Lord asked Jacob to.. Finally he could chase off the old folk , then Esau was on his way to find Jacob with 400 men... can you believe it ???

So of couse Jacob was sad, he saw angles at this place and he called it " God's camp" ... powerful huh ! God's camp .. then.. he sent all his wives away and children also , and stayed there alone...

God came , and dislocated the joint at his hip ! Can you believe it .. Then God spoke" let Me go , for the day breaks " Then Jacob replied " i will not let you go unless you bless me" He was this determine !!! I will not let You go...

It's powerful man, God just dislocated his hip joint. He wrestled with God.. Picture with me , Jacob grab onto God's hands and say i wil not let You go... never will I !!! i will not !!!. It's like , I will not let you leave me , i will follow after you ! unless you bless me...

It's not until ! it's unless.. i guess it's quite clear... until is that he only wants God's blessing.. Unless is God will have Jacob sticking to Him unless He bless Jacob , if God really really wanna abandon Jacob then it's after God bless Him.. But i believe Jacob will still cling onto God after He bless Him...

Look at God's reply

"Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel;[b] for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed"

For you have struggled with God and and with men and you have prevailed..

Struggled with God

It's like Jacob had go through trails with God that God purposely make it hard for Jacob to believe Him.
He was suppose to be blessed by Isaac and get a good wive from Laban.. But Laban cheated him and gave him another wive ( hahaha can you believe it ) then , he worked and worked for the wive he love .. then the wive he really love was barren.. then he got chase after by Laban accusing him of stealign everything and especially his idols.. when it's the wive he love the most ( rachael ) who brought it along without saying.... finally he settled the matter with Laban then Esau came , more likely to kill him and hsi family then to bless them... he had so many ppl wiht them , all young kids , servant , children, sheeps.... yea.. and couldn't go much..

and yet , God said " and have prevailed "
He believed... despite all these he believed...

Struggle with men..

Jacob was a great gentlemen , look at the way he speaks in the bible.. i was amaze.. I would have burnt Laban's house down for giving me the wrong wive.. and having 2 wives that keep snatching me... and my loved 1 is barren somemore.. i would have killed laban when he came up to the mountain to look for me.. rude and demanding... but look at home Jacob replied.. he was simply amazing.. gentlemen... he was nearly blameless and carried himself this well.. that you just wonder where all the tolerance and wisdom comes from...


Yea... I was so inspired.. Looking at him.. my life aint this deprive...


I told God.. :" i will not let You go unless you bless me " yea..
And He gave me a few number , 32 .. and i went huh ?! ok , so i'm gonna pray again...

He's amazing...

I'm so far from Jacob and i wanna to be like him...

He's jsut amazing...

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I'm exhausted literally collapsing 2 mins later.. but then i'm loving my life... I feel so fufilled for today , like it ended with a bang in my heart...

I've officially got myself out of the trauma whereby i'm struggling with some thoughts that i cant get myself out of ....

I didnt really totally figure what i was thinking out though , but i think i will just leave it this way ... i'm loving my life now though .. sometimes i just need to know i can be who i wanna be ... what i enjoy to do...

Anyway , it's end of school term and our school has achieved golds for all 3 uniform group.. IIt's the first time NPCC got gold in our school's history, my pricipal was so proud of them cause they made a history for WRS... We're all celebrating , no maybe i should say they .. I guess at least for NPCC it's such an acheivement , it's an example , it's an breakthough to NPCC...cause it's our first... It's so funny , cause if i were to still stay fervently in the NPCC , i would have been with my squat mates celebrating it .. I was from the cadet who rose to sergent for today who got the glory for bringing NPCC to the peak of it ...

Thinking back , i was so fervent , i was so passionate for NPCC and if i were to stick to it , i would have made it .. but at the same time , i look at my own beliefts , and i know i gotta choose when i come to sec 3 .. No one knew about the ultimate reason of quitting it , people thought i was a slacker , and i just let them think whatever they want... I didnt even really talk to Lynette about it , i see there's no need doing it at that point of time to really show everyone who much i lay down for God .. I dont need to show people how much i do . I just need to shift everything away so that nothing pulls me away for the Lover of my life.. It's just this simple . I know it's between me and God ... and only both of us... we just no need to show every one and prove to everyone what we're doing to impress them... And there comes an opportunity where by i can use by low blood pressure to quit it ... So i did it ..

Looking at the achievement i could have got .. I know i could have made it to the chairperson or the vice chair of NPCC easily , since i started off real well , getting involve in so many things and still top my class like nobody business... ( Not anymore though ) It was easy for me at that time .. cause i mugged and threw eunice out of my house when she visited me and disturbed me when i was studying...

I was sitting on quadrangle , looking on my ex-squat mate who's delivering the speech , there's this nudge and tug in my heart.. I smiled to myself and i'm so glad i chose something greater than that .. I've never regretted quitting it even though my cca points suffered badly and people think of me differently after that... To them i'm so hypocrite , or some christian siao .. i stil remember the blue note book that my NCO made me write so that i can look back .. He wants to know us more so he made us write it .. It's like a diary ... we're this close..



So i told him i will not ever quit NPCC in my life cause it's what i've been looking for .. I love the sound of banging together , i love unity , i love bonding...

My love didnt change up till now , but maybe is the way i look for it is much more different i guess.. I dont know what is it to them.. But then to me i'm having the bang together and impacting people in the way that's greater than that , that's what i wanted at least...

I'm so proud that i've made a decision not to choose it though , i was proud of myself when i was sitting on the red concrete in the morning . I looked at myself when i was 14 or maybe 15 ... I made such a radical decision ... I never thought i was good until i ponder over it in class... I guess it's the challenge we face during every phrase of our life .. I guess it's really what we want .

In my life i asked myself several times " I really want that ?" But i asked myself differently when i face different stuff . when i was weary i asked myself do i really want that ? Maybe i dont , maybe i was deluded.. But during this time when i was sober but still troubled and tired , i asked myself again is it what i wanted ? Then i smiled and told God , it is , and i start putting things down for God...

Maybe it's never the question that devil pop into our minds ... But it's the answer we give ... Devil can never take away things from us and lead us astray only if we let him.. he only can sow thoughts , but ultimately it's us who has the last say....

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It's 2 minutes to 6 now and i've finished 4 parts of emath for a topic , and i've attempted all the questions for the revision 7 .. I'm super worry about my results now.. but i know , God will have a way ...


i feel like sleeping now... But i need to do my bio before my chong kills me ...

I wanted to study at the library but mum wants me to help out with her later in the day for my nwe room...

O i was super tired , then i went online and look at pic of sun rise .. i love it... I feel so energised .. Maybe sunrise energise me just like how water energises Dom , and maybe singing for Lynette , and sleeping for JIaxin... Sunrise energise me.. suddenly i feel like going over to some reservoir to watch sunrise.. maybe i'll go over on sat morning.. no no sunday morning.. it seems to be a better idea..

so yap sunday morning .. After that if there's discipleship class , i can go . But if there isn't i can study .. Yea . sunday s a good idea...

I feel like sleeping now!

Sunrise wooo.... Haha... yea , you'll never understand what i mean until you go and experience it yourself..

I've been blogging too often on livejournal .. and after the last post i privated , i feel alot more happier .... i typed this whole chunk of stuff to God... Yea ... haha... i feel the urge to ... ai ya , is ok

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I'm at home now , i was suppose to meet up with chelsea..

My sis is blasting Jay Chou's song .. Suddenly i feel so blessed and so loved by my parents for them to give me a room..

It;s literally me designing my own room...And i thank God for gettign a room only when i'm 16 .. I can't imagine designing my own room when i'm like 13 , it will turn out super kiddish and i'll regret.. But i'm 16 .. I guess what i want is kind of fix now...



I'm mulling over what colour i should paint for my wall .. I prefer a darker colour , a dull one .. You know zen.. but i'm afraid my room will look smaller .... And warmer . But i want it to be cozy ...So i'll get a birch or maybe a light orange.. My furniture is all walnut colour .. So ahhh.. haha But i like walnut man...



My parents literally let me do what ever i want with my room.. I get to choose what to do with the room.. My furniture, the colour ..



I guess i;'m getting those black photo frame and hang it on my wall .. So maybe i'll head down to IKEA one of the days next week . I'll be getting a lamp also , i want my room to look sentimental.. The whole commotion of having a room really stimulated me .. I'm kind of excited about it though ...


My sis's room is going through a refurnishing also .. My parents want to get a LCD screen in the living room ..

O gosh it's so cozy .. I'm getting a new mattress too.. Wooo ! I bet i can't sleep on the first night...

I still remember how subhash was over the room when we were in P4 .. She got herself a room , and she painted it green ! A bright green...
I still remember i use to hang out in her room , talking about crushes , reading teenage romance stories , complaining about some teachers , prank calling people ...Life then was so ... easy ... Well , i'm not blaming God about getting myself involve in church , in his word .. I guess it's just a process of growing up...

the reason why we struggle is because we have a choice to choose if we want idealism or we want success , reality .. . Pastors always challenge and encourages us to keep out idealism . But as for the people in the world , most of them aint present with such a choice , they dont knwo about idealism .. They are brought up in a way that idealism is a no-no , is insanity , is weird , unrealistic .. They are brought up in a way whereby choosing idealism over success is a dumb choice .. They feel that it's very dumb to throw money and future and more money and fame and lime light aside just to do what we want , just to impact people .... To them nothing can replace future...


I still remember 2 days ago Mr Roy wanted to crack a prank on Perinder. So he asked the whole class to lie to Perinder that she got 7 out of 18 for a SS test when she got 17/18 (highest in the level ) ... the first thing Felicia said that day ( Felicia is Perinder best friend together with Shabnam ) was Perinder will cry , Perinder just live in a life that failure is a no-no .. She can't take failure .Then Shabnam started explaining to Mr Roy that there was once Perinder was called out to answer a question .. It's trigo and she couldn't answer , then she started to cry cause she couldn't answer .. So Mrs Lim-Yap ( our Amath teacher ) said " You can't swim , i can't swim , we both can't swim " ok it's a little no link , we couldn't get what Mrs Lim-Yap trying to say too.. but it was super hilarious and the whole class bursted out in laughter...More of mockery i guess , mocking Mrs Lim-Yap's english .. But my laughter was genuine alright...

Yea but to perinder , idealism is never on her list of things she needs to consider .. to her future is future ..

yea , so we might envy people in the world who dont struggle what we're struggling , but why can't we just feel privillege over knowing another route , having a choice , in fact , bring brought up with a greater purpose .. I mean it's a good struggle right ? Living a life of truth and not just survival .. I mean idealism is the truth .. It's the right path , we all know that... But it's just a struggle right now.. But i ithink we should just be grateful with the choice places in front of us ..

People in the world arent fortunate , they are deprive , they dont even have a choice ....Agree ?

I love You , oh Lord .. You're so real to me ... What matters isn't what the world wants you to do , what matters is what you want yourself to do , what's most important is that what God wants you to do .

I use to struggling with what my dad wants me to do , but now , i guess i'm getting over it bit by bit .. Not totally , i'm still very uncertain about where will i be , what do i want .. But i'm getting over it , not really day by day , but maybe forenight by forenight ?

Lately , people are struggling , people are falling , but at the same time , people are standing up .. All i wanna say is that we're in this race together . It's like a marathon , you need to pull yourself up yourself but at the same time you need people to cheer you on , people who are running with you.. Unlike worldly marathon , you run alone , it's your marathon .. But it's a spiritual marathon , we run the same path together , all of us need to finish it , MUST finish it .. WE ARE IN IT TOGETHER . we're not spectators , neither are we water stop helper.. We are the same people who are running along side you , we're te same ppl who finish it with you .

I'm loving God more ...

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Actually you can skip all these posts , ahah cause i'm just blabbering my thoughts out and stuff , those lame useless ones ? I've been trying to hit the minimum of a humans' daily quota for speaking through blogging lately... Hasn't been talking much . I dont know why , just dont talk ...

Hahah ! I studied from 8.30pm-9.30pm ? from 10.15pm-12 45 am...1.30-3 in the afternoon... Then after that i finished a topic of homework on probability .. I feel , not really acomplished but i feel very tired ? ahaha yea but i'm contented with my performance in mugging.. quite consistent ..

I'm gonna study after school tmr , after i meet up with charmaine.. Need to settle some stuff... Before i flunk any other topics , o i got back my results .. I got 3rd for SS test , i got 15/18 .. Quite amazing.. I got 2nd or 3rd In Bio test and 3rd in chem test...I'm not very happy cause i dont know if it's consider an easy test or you know i really did well.. cause i'm not only competing wiht my classmates for O levels , i'm competing with the whole nation of 4Express and 5 Normal.. So how can we be contented with just doing well in the class... It's never enough...At least not for me...


O do you know i'm feeling chipper the whole day , cause i'm super happy with my wallpaper on my laptop...
It's a picture of a reservoir... So nice ! It makes my day man .. I just love water with sun rays... You'll never understand it..

Ahh it's 142am now and i need to sleep .. Gosh , i'm not longing forward to tomorrow's arrival , the lessons for the day is a hectic ! They might want to consider to diminish our class commitments and community involvement.. Ah....

Tmr there's chemistry - mrs Whelan will start yaking at me to be meticulous in my work and stuff .. She never stops .. Sometimes a venial mistake i make will just stuck in her mind forever ...OKay but it's kind of my fault here , cause i've never do a wonderful job in her assignments.. Mrs Whelan i'll change alright...

Then there's Amath : Trigonometry will just drain our energy and attention span off for the rest of the day in just 2 lessons of trigo ..

Math : Probability will be so boring that you;ll just doze off ..But the problem is you cant..

Then there's SS : Okay , Mr Roy's voice will wake up up , and his shower of blessing will definately force you to be on the alert mode...Plus his callous words used on us , it never fails to wake Lester up in fury...

Then there's I don't know i can;t recall. I dont bother too i guess...

By the end of the day , during English excel lesson you'll be so drain out and tired that you;ll just feel effete with the whole slow pace , i-love-english speed of teaching...

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Had a run today .. I guess it did go for at least 2.4 km... I was doing my stuff my literature denotations which i always enjoy doing ( seriously ) .. Haha

Yea the run was good ... I just wanna give myself a break to my brain and every other thing and didnt bring my phone along .. just an Mp3 and me and my sports wear... I ran and ran and ran ... It's alot more easier to run with my MP3 on , pondering over my own thoughts... Suddenly the ache and the breathing seems so incouspicous .. I went from Run from some band to some other band , to Iris- Better place , then i can't stand secular songs anymore.. So i switched to my worship playlist ... It's cool la .. I dont know if i did sort my thoughts out ..

But i definately feel better , adrenaline pumping into me... So i just run and run and run , running past the same spot over and over again at 9pm.. Maybe i should do it again tmr .. I love running , you're doing somethin while thinking.. i tend to think more positively when i run ahha.. I tend to calm myself down when i run... yea... I know i dont look like those who run .. but i do run when i am troubled .. haha

Brain is okay lately , still the same , struggling and stuff. But it's better , just dont feel like talking much today actually.. I dont know why , finally i feel normal...

Can't wait for Lynette to come back...

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I'm just back from school ... Listeing to remy zero... I love these songs. Just like south .. I hate metal but i like this kind haha.. Semi metal... Not noisy but you airy ...

Haha...


O i've loving school more and more... Seriously , chem is easier and stuff... Even though most of my study group dont really talk...Haha , but i feel something to study and mug ..

O i feel like going to minds cafe again ! F4 let's go together okay ?

So here i am , blogging , resting... ahah , awhile later i'm going to go jogging... I dont think i'll jog at the park , i wanna run somewhere further.. I think the reason why i hate jogging at the park is because it's just round and round , you dont progress.. But running along the side walk is different , you progress... You see how far you go :) hahha yea...

Kind of waiting for my mp3 to charge now hahah... Yea.... and i'll be running .. I miss running.. Sometimes you just need to dump stuff aside and run .. very far and very far ... overcoming your physical barrier... ahah.. i guess it must be the same spiritually ... look where you wanna go , what you wanna do for God and run .. run far far for God... beyond your physical barrier...

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